Disasters do teach us (or remind us) one thing — how to provide. What we choose to take back from a tragedy is up to us. One reason why disasters may lead to cooperative behavior is our profound need for social connection. Human beings are fundamentally social animals and it is the protective nature of our social relationships that has allowed us to thrive. Decades of research shows that our social connections are a fundamental human need linked to both psychological and physical health. What tragedy teaches us is that when something is really important we can rise above difference and see the more important things. Maybe lessons learned from all the trivial “side taking” our country has witnessed in the last nine months are, do we truly have our priorities in order as a country? And maybe Mother Nature is sending us a message?
A major disaster (or disasters - as the last 30 days have given us) provides us with many things. Most urgently we are hit with immediate and heart-wrenching grief, and often also some finger-pointing. We look for answers to questions (often from Mother Nature herself) which have no simple answers.
During his press conference following the Boston Marathon bombings, President Obama stated: "What the world saw yesterday in the immediate aftermath of the explosions were stories of heroism and kindness and generosity and love." He praised the "good people of Boston" as well as the virtues of the American spirit: "If you want to know who we are, who America is, how we respond to evil, that's it: selflessly, compassionately, unafraid."
Obama's words echo those of George W. Bush speaking on September 11, 2001: "Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of human nature, and we responded with the best of America, with the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbors who came to give blood and help in any way they could."
And after Hurricane Harvey President trump stated: "We see neighbor helping neighbor, friend helping friend and stranger helping stranger," Trump said. "We are one American family. We hurt together, we struggle together and believe me, we endure together. To the people of Texas and Louisiana, we are 100% with you,"
Author Rebecca Solnit describes the surge in altruism during disasters in her book A Paradise Built in Hell, and in an interview said: “The great majority of people are calm, resourceful, altruistic or even beyond altruistic, as they risk themselves for others. We improvise the conditions of survival beautifully.” She said, “I feel often that we don’t have the right language to talk about emotions in disasters. Everyone is on edge, of course, but it also pulls people away from a lot of trivial anxieties and past and future concerns and gratuitous preoccupations that we have, and refocuses us in a very intense way… In some ways, people behave better than in ordinary life and in some disasters people find [out about] the meaningful role of deep social connections and see their absence in everyday life.”
In fact, we may be wired to act just that way. Our brains are designed so that our stress systems can be soothed by social support: in response to the calming words or gentle touch of loved ones, for example, the bonding hormone oxytocin tends to lower levels of stress hormones. We learn this from infancy from our parents or caregivers; as we grow, our stress systems remain intricately linked to the presence of others who can provide comfort and relief from anxiety. Hundreds of studies now show that strong social support extends life and improves health in multiple ways, acting primarily through its effects on the stress system. And during disasters, our social networks largely determine our fates: the more connections we have and the stronger our bonds are to each other, the more likely we are to survive, not just physically, but emotionally. To prevent and treat post-traumatic stress disorder, these ties are the best medicine. It’s when we face the toughest times that our true nature reveals itself; we’re in it together. Though no one wants to face catastrophe, when we do, it can bring unexpected gifts— but only if we share and value each other. Together. We. Win.
What we often tend to forget during disasters is that we witness and feel an unintended consequence: love, empathy and kindness. These disasters (and unfortunately sometimes that is what it takes) bring us closer together and allow us — for one fleeting moment anyway — to feel we share common bonds in our own humanity. We become focused on the things which really matter in our lives — our family, our friendships, our social relationships - people. The community comes together, joining together in their sorrow and grief; and joining together in the journey to rebuild – both physically and emotionally. When a disaster occurs, people simply realize what is most important to them. People focus on the disaster that just occurred and the reality that they could have lost someone (or something) special to them at any point. Things that seemed important beforehand like politics, or money or guns or immigration suddenly become less important. The focus turns to relationships and people – and how to make bad relationships good and good relationships better.
For those of us deeply rooted in a disaster and tragedy, there are no words to provide comfort in what was lost. These disasters affect us on such a personal level – especially when it involves losing a loved one, or loved house, or a loved pet, etc. Sadly, through the circle of life, we will all know tragedy. But all tragedies — personal or natural — have some positive side-effects whether we can see them at the time or not. Besides bringing people closer together and often reacquainting them with their most basic human emotions, a personal tragedy can cause us to realize our own finite time on this Earth and the mortality of our lives. We need to use every minute of every day for something better. The clock is ticking.
How do we keep our focus on what is truly important as these disasters “of the moment” fade in our memories and we rebuild? Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed and rearranged by Mother Nature to bring us back to that place we were meant to be. Shaken, but not stirred – come together. Together. We. Win.
Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
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