The Hug 2 … which one are you?

Who would have thought that would be my most read blog ever?  The HUG?  Really?  A hug.  A lot of interest and feedback which led me to conduct more non-scientific based research as I traveled the last few weeks.  And yes, Detroit, Milwaukee, NY and DC all have similar hugging etiquettes.

Well, before I get to “The Hug 2 …which one are you?” I wanted to share some funny follow-up messages from my friends and peers.  The comments were generally very supportive, but as you well know, some college buddies were a bit snarky.  Many of my college buddies and high school friends dropped me a text asking about the family, or get togethers, or just general check-ins … and then followed up with a “btw I am a 6 on the hug scale”.

A few folks let me know some areas which I missed in my coverage: the effect of time spent not seeing each other, think that if you live in Cincy and me NY you last saw me Summer 2017 – probably a hug.  You saw me last Friday…not so much.  Then there was this WHOLE other side which I was not aware of (I am now! Thank you readers) regarding make-up, hair, outfits, OCD, germaphobia, bad breathe (lest us dare to say body odor…), etc.

And lastly, there was the other country etiquette.  One kiss, two kisses, three kisses, air kisses, cheek kisses, arm grabs, the list goes on…..(sounds a bit like Dr. Seuss there).

So since I wrote the blog a few weeks back, I have been keenly observing (OK that is a stretch – when I thought about it I would watch) and here is what I have discovered:

I have studied the definition of the word and it means "to press tightly especially in the arms," likely from the Old Norse word hugga, which means "to soothe."  First used in 1567 (useless fact of the day).   As I studied awkwardness in hugging at work, I read that Drake Beer, in Fast Company stated, “The uncomfortable feeling you get when you realize that your concept of your relationship with someone else doesn’t match their concept. The intensity of awkwardness roughly corresponds to the magnitude of difference in relationship concepts.”  How true.

So all my extensive research conducted over the last two weeks led me to identify hugs in various categories.  This is my NOT all-inclusive list of how I categorized hugs (any hugs intentionally or not intentionally left off my list were solely due to my inadequate research and rush to get my follow-up blog completed):

The true warm hug.  This hugs originates from a person who is usually a big hugger (10 on the 10 scale).  The hugs denote caring and a person very aware of feelings in others.  These hugs are given by people who are quite comfortable with hugging.  They have the ability to even make the most anti-huggers feel good about the hug.  There is no other intention in this hug other than to make you happy.  Words cannot convey what a true warm hug can do and express.

The PC hug.  Not a computer or android type hug (although there may be a little correlation there), but a more formal hug usually at meetings, work, formal type events.  This appears to be the social hug and given for the sake of social etiquette.  The only reason is to give the hug and be done.   No emotion.  Period.  (It makes me think of “Housewives of Wherever” shows and I am concerned I even have this thought).  I gave the hug, let’s move on.  Interestingly, it usually ends with a big smile which may or may not be real.

The bruh hug, the sister hug, the buddy hug.  These hugs are for friends only.  They happen a lot.  They are not even thought about.  These are your true friends and it shows in the hugs.  Gender is generally not an issue here, the main reason is true friendship.  It is amicable, warm and longer than other hugs.  Generally they end with some kind of a laugh.  Endorphins have kicked in making us feel good about our friend.  There is history and stories and laughs that all flow back with that hug.  Under no circumstances should any person gently place their head on the other’s shoulder during this hug if at work. This pushes the hug into the “unacceptable” zone and is inappropriate in the workplace.

The bruh hug, the sister hug, and the buddy hug on steroids is the not seen very often – bear hug.  These hugs occur with super close friends or family.  These are the squeeze the life out of me in a good way hugs.  These two huggers are close and have a deep relationship.  There are no pretensions here and just unbridled joy in the hug.  Maybe even a lift off the ground.  Brothers meeting at the airport, girlfriends from college, neighbors from the past, wedding party friends from years back.  Outfits, and hair, and political correctness are not even thought of.  Please note, if there is an extreme size difference – these can be comical to watch.

The lover hug (not usually for work or at work).  Usually preceded by some movie type long stare in to each other’s eyes.  It may even be a hug from behind the other person.  Very personal.  Also, hand placement and hand movement is not to be discussed here.  Saw many of these at the airport by the way.

The it’s gonna be OK hug.  This hug may be the most meaningful.  It is a really caring hug that is given to comfort and reassure.  It is more of a one-way hug at first.  Funerals, family issues, pet issues, sadness and concern, etc. -  all bring on this hug.  My mom passed in 2003 and I STILL remember this wonderful woman giving me a 45-90 second it’s gonna be OK hug.  I needed that.  And it was meaningful.

The pat on the back hug.  I saw this more than I expected.  A quick hug followed by the pat on the back.  This is generally a buddy type hug regardless of gender.  No other meaning attached.

The hey I am not comfortable but I will give you a hug ½ turn hug (or some may say – the awkward hug).  You know this hug.  Neither wants to hug.  It starts with the handshake then evolves to a half hug half shoulder bump kinda thing.  Awkward.

And then there is the (wait … you can Google this), the London Bridge hug.  It is awkward, neither side want to hug.  Arms only with no body contact.  Did I say awkward.  Oh the London Bridge, yeah that is your arms….

Some other hugs I saw: the twirling hug (like a romantic movie – saw a few in the airport), the lover hug (usually followed by a smooch or two), the smeller hug (we all have that person like grandma or our aunt who hugs us and tells us we “smell really good”), the eighth grade hug (remember the junior high school dances and the “book between you rule” – well this person still abides by this rule), the close my eyes hug (self-explanatory – may be deemed a tad creepy at work), the I am not putting my mobile down hug (they will hug and continue to use and or hold their phone – usually allows a quicker escape from the hug), the ain’t got time but need to hug you hug (saw this in the airport as well,  as one of the hug participants was late for their flight), the creepy hug (nobody likes this…ever!), and finally the alternative hug (high-five, salute, fist bump, handshake with arm grab – this is for the person who is not against touching just does so in a lesser manner).

Oh and lest I forget, two more, the global hug and the Heimlich hug. The global hug is when they peck quickly one cheek, then another, and then maybe even another, a method meant to confuse and bewilder.  They grab your forearm.  They air kiss or maybe even cheek kiss (I think what it really means was that their Semester at Sea in their college formative years was a memorable experience and they cannot let it go three decades later). 

The Heimlich hug takes place when trying to save a life. The hug is from behind the choking person in an attempt to dislodge the office party pizza chunk that was scarfed from the leftovers in the common area. This hug is perfectly acceptable in any corporate setting – especially if co-worker is turning blue.  

So again, unless your workplace actually prohibits hugging between colleagues, you are left to your own devices when it comes to giving or accepting hugs at work. Most office etiquette experts say that generally, an arms-off policy is best. And yet, most of us will admit that we have been in a situation where we’ve either given, or received, an awkward co-worker hug.  Hopefully after reading this, you have a better understanding of the various hugs (and you cannot get back the ten minutes you spent reading this…sorry).

To remind you from the original Hug blog:  If you are in a situation where there is a hug, think of the office hug like those who go fishing: “hug and release.”

Together.  We. Win.


Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

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