There is no RIGHT answer. There are historical
facts. There are opinions. But when it comes to personal
preference, it is up to the individual. (By the way, DaVinci, Edison, Michigan,
Yankees, Packers, Magic, Apple, Dogs, Stones, No Choice, Fritos, Faith,
Chocolate, Marvel, FedEx, Buzz, and Mt Dew actually would be my choices).
Feel free to share your preferences.
We seem to be destined for disagreements in many facets
of our life. America has become a divisive battleground. We can
have public discourse and not make it personal. So with the examples
above clearly just to make a point…I ask, why do these choices become
emotional conflicts? They are all just choices, but Republican or
Democrat probably stirred more emotion than Frito or Dorito?? Faith or No
Faith was more emotional than Woody or Buzz. All of these can be civil
exchanges of viewpoints. What makes the difference is usually not
the actual issue, but how the issue is handled.
So I went to the “Google” and did some online research
to help us all find better ways to have these conversations. I found some
interesting ideas that will help us to have these discussions that do not end
in sibling separation, throwing pots, breaking cell phones, bench-clearing
brawls, or mean girl stares:
As we learn over the course of marriage, we need to pick
our battles carefully. What is truly worth arguing or getting emotional
about? Since disagreements are inescapable, here’s a few practical tips
to keep in mind:
-
What
is the actual end result of this decision? Is it Sophie’s choice, or just your preference on
the best football team (Packers … if you were unsure by the way). If it is just
a preference do you need to “win”?
-
Are you in the
correct emotional state for the discussion? Did you get in an accident on the way to work and step in a puddle
walking into the office to then discover you left your badge at home?
Probably not the best morning to discuss something you disagree with.
-
Are you
listening to understand the other point of view? Did you really listen when they spoke to the
Beatles ground breaking albums and their chart topping hits and ridiculous fan
following? Or were you just “the Stones are the best!”? Expand your
knowledge base. Maybe, just maybe, the Beatles were that good.
-
Were you clear
to say that this was your “opinion”? That in
itself diffuses the situation because you really cannot argue over an
opinion. Did you approach the discourse like a lawyer (no offense to my
legal friends)? Did you interrogate the person or have a respectful two
way dialog? Did you attack (which makes the other side defensive)? Or did
you exchange ideas?
-
You can have an
opinion and if you can support it with facts, then that makes for an easier
discussion (The Packers are the best football team
this year because Aaron Rodgers is the number one fantasy quarterback this year
… that was all I got for facts). Maybe my wife says the Rams because of
their number one defense, fourth ranked offense, and number one fumble recovery
stat? Facts make for better discussion.
-
Can you reach common
ground and discuss how maybe the Packers,
Patriots, Steelers, and Rams are all top echelon teams this year vs. who is the
BEST? Do you need to win or really just gain agreement that their team
and YOUR team are both good?
The old
catchphrase "agree to disagree" is repeated often for a reason.
It can really be useful when you need it. Sometimes, one of the most important
aspects of respectfully disagreeing with someone is knowing when you need to
just call it quits and move on. Disagreements are inevitable. But,
there's always a wrong way and a right way to present your own differences
unless you do not think the Packers are the best team. We can agree to
disagree that the Packers are better than the Patriots….
And lastly,
please do
not say “but…”, we
use this way too much. “Yes, but…” or “I agree up to a point, but…” When you
say but you’ve generally negated everything
that was said before. You may have agreed to common ground, or you’ve just
given the person a complement, then you take it all back by saying “but”. Diplomatic disagreement is a great
way to “win friends and influence people,” and will help you in business and in
life.
Yes,
we still get things terribly wrong face-to-face, no matter how smart our social
circuits in our brains are supposed to be. Ultimately, when we can come to the
table to compare differences, we need to bring our full bag of friendly
disagreeing armor with us. That means tools like emotional awareness and
emotional self-control. Think about how you phrase and think about how
you react. It will make a difference.
Go.
Pack. Go.
Together.
We. Win.
Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr
Look for us on: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, The Muse, Glassdoor and USA TODAY NETWORK Careers
Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr
Look for us on: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, The Muse, Glassdoor and USA TODAY NETWORK Careers
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