Lemons or Lemonade?

Lemons are thrown at us left and right. If you watch the news for a few minutes it makes you sad what is happening in America.  Today I chose to make lemonade and focus on happiness and the ongoing search for contentment.

I am generally a glass half full person (some would say very full…) individual.  I look for the good in most situations.  I strongly believe kindness is currency.  I also understand we ALL live through many of the same life challenges and the curveballs thrown our way.  Deaths, addiction struggles, health issues, divorce and separations, family struggles, raising kids (that is a whole topic itself), caring for aging parents, job struggles, financial worries, the list goes on.  We all have faced or will face many, if not most of these. So how do we stay positive?

My first answer is to be thankful for what you have.  If you have ever traveled to a third-world country, you really appreciate the lives that we live here in America, even with all the political noise.  Thus, my more thoughtful answer is not as flippant.  It takes many levers to increase the happiness factor in your life.  Getting rid of the negatives, serving others, living in the present, being healthy, appreciating the small things, and simplifying your life is a good place to start. 

Let’s start with your current negatives…. A good place to start is by looking at who you surround yourself with.  If you want to be more positive, surround yourself with positive energy and positive people.  Seek out and grow the positive relationships that you already have.  Pull away from the negative influences in your life.  Negativity is a contagious disease, so try to stay away.  Choose carefully whom you let into your life. Surround yourself with positive people who bring you up and only want the best for you and themselves.  As we saw on Saturday Night Live, we all know a “Debbie Downer” in our life (wah, wah).

Another way to increase your happiness is to serve others.  I had a discussion the other day with a young man facing a serious medical challenge.  We were discussing how sad he was and how he was having trouble being positive.  I asked him if he could find time to do nice things for others.  Not focusing on his happiness, but instead making others happy.  Treating everyone with kindness, or participating in random acts of kindness. Not only does it help others to feel better, but you will notice that you too feel good after having a positive interaction with others. Be careful with your words. Speak gentler, kinder, and wiser.  Practice generosity and giving without expecting anything in return. Get involved with service opportunities and offer what you can to a greater cause.  Helping others will help your self-confidence, give you a sense of worth and make you feel included.

Living in the present will help you keep focus on things under your control.  Try not to replay negative things that have happened in the past.  They have happened – you cannot change them.  Observe yourself in the moment. Observe how YOU choose to react to changes or challenges.  Nobody determines your mood but yourself.  Work on your reactions to circumstances outside your locus of control and learn how to approach life harmoniously. You can learn from your past experiences, but your mistakes do not define you. It takes practice, but it will take time.  Letting go gives you freedom. Your bad choices do not define who you are. It’s how we choose to deal with the negative things in our lives that make us who we are. 

Do not underestimate the value of living healthy.  Do you wake up the same time every day?  Do you have some form of exercise on a regular basis?  Do you sleep enough?  Interesting fact – for every 60 minutes of tv you watch, you decrease your life expectancy by 22 minutes.  Do you eat balanced meals?  Do you laugh?  Laughter is wonderful medicine for the soul.  Happiness for any length of time requires maintenance. Keep doing things that bring you joy. Keep pushing away negative thoughts.  Your priorities change, your interests fade and many of your relationships will go through changes. In each season of life, work to maintain happiness.

Finally, learn (or relearn) to appreciate the small things.  Remember how cool butterflies were when you were younger?  Get excited about everyday things. You can find something to be happy about every day: getting a drink with a friend, your favorite song playing on the radio (In the Air Tonight drum solo anyone?), eating a piece of chocolate cake (that does make me happy), spending time with family (hitting a favorite sporting event with one of my sons) or getting a compliment from a peer.

Some things that I personally try to do are: forgive quickly, look at obstacles as challenges, appreciate what you have {and redefine the definition of “have” as a great family, a lovely spouse, cool parents – not a big car, a fancy mansion, Christian Louboutin shoes, or a Rolex watch}.  Set big goals and small goals and be optimistic about achieving them.  Learn to embrace failures as life lessons, laugh at your mistakes {learn, but laugh}, spend energy only on the things you CAN control {challenge - make a list today about all you worry about and then go back and cross off all those you have no control over}, do not take life too seriously, and most of all you have to accept yourself and all your flaws.  Embrace these flaws. Yep, my Dad bod, my color blindness, my lack of musical talent, my inability to understand travel directions, my lack of any sort of a beard, my aging basketball game….  It is what it is.

I want to leave you with this, William Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Things happen in life that you cannot control.  Ask yourself what makes you happy, and find ways to restructure your life so that you are able to do more of those things.  Surround yourself with positive people.  Make others happy {which will make you happy}.  Give more.  Worry less.

Together.  We.  Win.

Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

Look for us on: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, The Muse, Glassdoor and USA TODAY NETWORK Careers