Unconscious Impact

Unconscious impact – it sounds like a very scientific term.  I want to use it to describe the value and impact of mentoring.  Not mentoring because you have to, but mentoring because you want to.  When you ask accomplished people how they achieved success, many will say they had a mentor who helped guide them throughout their journey – or at least helped them navigate a few rough patches along the way.  I have been lucky to have many great mentors along the way in both my personal and professional lives.  The impact they have had is not accurately measured.  And I am pretty sure they were unaware of how much they actually gifted me (their unconscious impact).  My list is varied from Mom & Dad, college professors, to previous bosses, to friends of my parents, to friends from high school and college – all contributing to me more than what they thought they gave.

Let’s take a moment to understand the unconscious:  From Simply Psychology (Saul McLoud),

“Freud (1915) described conscious mind, which consists of all the mental processes of which we are aware, and this is seen as the tip of the iceberg. For example, you may be feeling thirsty at this moment and decide to get a drink. The preconscious contains thoughts and feelings that a person is not currently aware of, but which can easily be brought to consciousness (1924). It exists just below the level of consciousness, before the unconscious mind. The preconscious is like a mental waiting room, in which thoughts remain until they 'succeed in attracting the eye of the conscious' (Freud, 1924, p. 306).  This is what we mean in our everyday usage of the word available memory. For example, you are presently not thinking about your mobile telephone number, but now it is mentioned you can recall it with ease. Mild emotional experiences may be in the preconscious but sometimes traumatic and powerful negative emotions are repressed and hence not available in the preconscious.  Finally, the unconscious mind comprises mental processes that are inaccessible to consciousness but that influence judgements, feelings, or behavior (Wilson, 2002). According to Freud (1915), the unconscious mind is the primary source of human behavior. Like an iceberg, the most important part of the mind is the part you cannot see.”

“The primary source of human behavior is the unconscious mind”, said Freud.  Sometimes we do things that make an impact that is much greater than we are consciously aware of.  I think a sage lesson in the value of experience.  Thus, today, I am using the term unconscious impact. 

Why am I telling you all this?  Well, because this is what the value of mentoring is all about.  There exists both conscious and unconscious impact in mentoring.

As a mentor, you can give back knowledge, become a better listener, build your interpersonal skills, challenge thinking, push expectations, coach and teach, learn from your mentee and gain satisfaction from the success of others.  You also help build the confidence of your mentee, provide them career advice, open their eyes to feedback and personal growth, build their skills (or introduce new skills), improve their self-awareness, provide a network, provide support and encouragement, and finally be a sounding board to help them navigate issues large and small.  You are their Obi-Wan Kenobi. (check the box on Star Wars reference for 2018 Mr. Fortini).

Not a role to be taken lightly, but as I learned today – also not a role in which I understood the total impact.  The unconscious impact I was unaware of.  Let me provide an example.  I received a heartwarming email today from a talented and energetic leader from my AOL days.  She wanted to know if she could reference me in her new book.  Wow, reference me in a book!!!  Getting married, birth of my kids, Packer game on the 50 yard line front row, World Series game with Pops and now this.  For me, pretty cool stuff.  I underestimated the impact of being a mentor (quite selfishly I probably learned more from her than she did from me).

She wrote,

“At a previous company, I took a perceived risk. I reached out directly to Dave, one of my company’s most senior executives to ask him if he would take me under his wing. I carefully selected someone I respect tremendously, for his intelligence and leadership, coupled with his energy, passion, and charisma. On top of that, he led the organization I hoped to join in a year or so. I had progressed quickly to the next stepping stone of my chosen career path. I believed he could help me grow and succeed in my current role, while also guiding me toward setting myself up for the next one. I took a chance, laid out all this in an email, inhaled deeply, and hit “send.”

It took me a long time to write that email, not because I had any uncertainty regarding my request, but because I tried hard to articulate the win-win situation. I knew without a doubt what was in it for me, but how does one articulate to a senior leader what is in it for him to spend time mentoring someone several links down the food chain? On a grand scheme, all enlightened organizations expect their leaders at each level to grow and develop their junior staff. I felt awkward making the case that he should help me out because it was good for the company. He already knew that, and pragmatically, I did not report into his organization.

He wrote back less than an hour later, simply: “Love to! [His assistant] will set up!” I was OVERJOYED and had a smile on my face all weekend. We scheduled lunch for that next Monday, and I could hardly wait! It was worth taking the chance to ask. We continued meeting periodically for the next year until both he and I left the company for different opportunities. Mentors come and go as each season of our lives and careers evolve. While we have not worked together directly in over seven years, we occasionally keep in touch to this day. He writes an engaging blog, and I hear his voice in my mind as I read his words of wisdom. Mentoring comes in so many forms.”

I cannot put into words how wonderful this email made me feel today.  I felt honored to be asked to be a mentor.  To give is the greatest gift … and today I experienced the reward for giving.  As Churchill said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

The value of the mentoring continues to be made clear to me each and every day. I know that I wouldn’t be in the position I am today if it weren’t for the impact and guidance of my own mentors.  If I could give everyone one (okay, maybe two) piece{s} of advice, it would be to find a few good mentors and also to be a mentor.  I firmly believe that mentors add so much value to your career success.  The benefits you can gain from a mentor relationship usually outweigh your grad school, your natural ability, and even your dumb luck. The key is to have the foresight and humility to ask to be mentored.

If you start from a place of humility, you’ll find that there are plenty of accelerators in your life who can add value. More importantly, you can also take it upon yourself to add tremendous value for them as well.  And then take your life lessons and pay it forward as a mentor to someone else.

Together.  We.  Win. 

Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

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