Achieving Balance

I have written on this topic before.  It is the quest most of us face daily.  It is the lifelong battle to find the right equation which allows you to succeed at work, at home, with your friends, and with your personal passions (and your own ego quite frankly).

Can we win at this game, or just not lose?  This past holiday weekend reminded me that we all need to constantly course correct.  I spent time this weekend at a car show with my grandson, playing hoops with my grandson, working on projects with my grandson, and swimming with my grandson.  Was there anything more important?  Probably not.  Do I want to do that 24/7 – certainly.  Can I do that 24/7?  It would be challenging, but I can re-balance.

How do the most successful people find that balance?  And what is their definition of success?

Webster’s defines success as:  the accomplishment of an aim or purpose or the attainment of popularity or profit or a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity.

What if success is not really material?  How about success being family first, then work?  What if Webster’s redirected success to mean: a person having the right priorities, commitment, respect, reasonableness and forgiveness to positively impact themselves and others.

The only person that can answer the question of what success is - is you. I do not think I can, or anyone else for that matter can, create the ultimate definition of success, as this is not possible. Each of us think differently about the meaning of success in life and we each define success in our own way, so there can’t exist a definition that is suitable for all. What is important is that you know exactly how to define success in YOUR life!

Make yourself aware of what accomplishment, success, and prosperity in general means to you in your life.  Some might define success as having luxurious cars and a huge mansion, whereas others consider a life full of joy and happiness with their family as the true meaning of success.  Once you have figured out what is important for you personally - you are able to focus on your visions and goals.

I would challenge that true success is the amount of people that are able to live a better and more advanced life because of what you have done.  Kindness is currency.  This is my meaning of success. Not the trophies people are collecting in their lives.  Media often pushes us to conclude that living a successful life means to be extraordinarily wealthy and have a lot of material “things”.  Society seems to be doing this as well.  My meaning of success is to live a happy life and to make this world a better place for everyone.  And yes, that is not always easy.  And yes, I am not always nice.  And yes, my views on this are changing the older I get.  But this is my goal.  I strive to be kind always (but I am not – just ask my kids).

I read a great quote about success in parenting from Dave Willis, he states that “There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way”.  My take from this quote is for all of us to understand we cannot achieve perfection and success is not 100%, but we have many little successes every day.  If you build success on material things you will always be on the chase for “more”.  If you build it on family, friends and relationships then you can win every day!

Success for me is looking back at my life, when I am in my final moments (as Bill Murray said in Caddyshack, “on my deathbed”), and having a tremendous amount of pride about my family,  my creations, my accomplishments, and my personal legacy (how did I treat others?), while possessing little to no regret about what I did not do or try to do.

How do you define success and are you tracking in that direction?

Together.  We.  Win.

Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

Look for us on: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram,  Facebook, The Muse, Glassdoor and Gannett Careers

Can you hear me now?

If you are an introvert, that is a compelling question.  If you are an extrovert – we know your answer (or you will tell us).   We were honored to have Susan Cain (Author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking and Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts.) join us in a company-wide presentation sponsored by our Next Gen Forward employee resource group – focusing on the millennial workforce while encouraging cross-generational collaboration. Susan shared her thoughts on how organizations can “leverage all leadership styles to maximize the team’s full potential.”  For me, as an ambivert, having a balance of extrovert and introvert, leaning more toward the extrovert side – it was a very eye opening discussion and truly caused me to rethink: how our function communicates, how we operate together and how our work environment is physically set up. 

As Ben Dattner, of Dattner Consulting, and author of The Blame Game—a book on how organizations can harness the strengths of their introverted employees stated,  “The fantastic success of Susan Cain’s Quiet demonstrates that she has tapped into something very important in our culture and our society at this moment in history.  Inevitably, corporations and many other kinds of organizations will realize the implications of Susan Cain’s work for their practices and cultures. Here are some very preliminary suggestions of what organizations might do to better ‘hear’ introverts who may be ‘quiet’ but still have tremendous value that they bring to the workplace each day:

– Examine ‘competency models’ and performance appraisal systems criteria to ascertain whether there is a bias towards evaluating and rewarding extroverted behaviors over introverted behaviors.

– Write comprehensive job descriptions that inform people how much interaction, networking, collaboration, and advocacy is required in positions before candidates take the jobs. This will enable introverts to self-select out of jobs that they might not thrive in. ‘Realistic job previews’ in general are very useful.

– Utilize feedback mechanisms, such as online surveys or other kinds of anonymous ‘suggestion’ boxes, wherein introverts can feel comfortable sharing feedback and suggestions that they might not feel comfortable sharing in a public forum.

– Employ ‘polling’ or similar strategies to solicit, and consider the perspectives of all members of the team or organization so everyone has a voice, even if they are reluctant to fight for attention in a public setting.

– Ask members of a team if they would like time on a meeting agenda in advance of the meeting so that more introverted team members can influence the agenda in advance without feeling like they have to be ‘the squeaky wheel’ in a meeting or to compete for airtime.

– Structure debates so that members of a team have an opportunity to argue ‘pro’ or ‘con’ of any given issue or strategy in sub teams. While an introvert may not feel comfortable soliciting support and loudly advocating a point of view, he or she might be comfortable participating in a discussion in a smaller team.

The above suggestions are meant to be a point of departure, and not a point of arrival. Corporations and other kinds of organizations, of any size and in the US and abroad, can benefit from thoughtful consideration of Susan’s book and how much it is resonates with so many people.”

I walked away from my two hours with Susan Cain with a greater appreciation for a “hidden” diversity issue within our work environments AND a more open mind toward the issues facing introverts (30-50% of your work force Susan stated) each and every day in corporate America. 

In her talk and her book, Susan argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and she explains how much we lose in doing so. She discusses the rise of the “Extrovert Ideal” throughout the last century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture.

In our session, Susan spoke about successful introverted CEOs and how they adapted to achieve success.  One of the CEOs noted was John Lilly, the former CEO of Mozilla, “…I started noticing my interactions in the hallway. I’m an engineer by background and a bit of an introvert naturally. When I walk between meetings, I think about things. A lot of times I’ll be looking down [at] my phone or looking down at the floor while I think things through. It’s sort of a natural engineer behavior, but it’s pretty off-putting if your CEO walks by you and doesn’t look up and notice you. And so I forced myself to do things that aren’t natural for me.”

So where does this lead us?  I have spent the last few weeks trying to better understand the life of an introvert (My wife and two of my three boys are introverts).   They, in addition to at least one out of three people in Corporate America prefer to avoid the limelight, they tend to listen more than they speak, I know they can often feel alone in large groups, and they (especially my wife) require private time to restore their energy. They're introverts who seem to always be adapting strategies for successfully living in an extrovert world.

As introverts, they are hardwired from birth to focus inward, so outside stimulation, idle chitchat, phone calls, parties, office meetings – all can easily become "too much."  Introverts come in different stripes. One of the most fundamental aspects of introversion, I learned, is being recharged by alone time (or sometimes one-on-one time with someone you're very close to).

Another fundamental aspect is often that your natural tendency is to want to digest information before responding back. For example, an extrovert might read a blog article and want to leave a comment straight away, whereas an introvert likely wants to go away and process – and may come back with the better answer to your challenge (which, btw, they often do).

There is nothing “wrong” with them – we (the collective non-introverts) need to recognize their inner strength: their analytical skills, their ability to think outside the box, and their strong powers of concentration. As leaders, who are inclusive, we need to better understand how to take advantage of the introvert's special qualities to create a life that's just right for the introvert temperament, to discover new ways to expand their energy reserves, and even how, when necessary, to confidently help them shine in and amongst a team of extroverts.

As leaders, this is another diversity issue on our teams.  And, as I discovered, a bigger issue than I was aware of.  To get the best from everyone and to be more inclusive, we need to understand introversion is a gift for our teams filled with extroverts.  Whether you are an introvert, extrovert or ambivert, we all need to be flexible and understanding of others.  Sometimes, this may feel like going straight against our very nature, and it contradicts everything we stand for, but as Susan stated, a “little social chameleon-ism can, in fact, bring us all greater benefits in the office”.  In order to do this, we don’t need to change who we are or betray our principles.  We just need to show different parts of our personality to different people so that we can better relate to them.

The easiest way to think about this is to engage with others about things you know they are interested in. And that is really what adaptability in action is.  Being an introvert in an extrovert-dominated world is still, by no means, easy.  Striving for a successful career in such an environment built and maintained by extroverts is even more challenging.

The good news?  Public opinions and awareness are changing.  Research reinforces that introverts generally perform better and are more reliable and creative than their extroverted counterparts.  

Read that line again. 

Research reinforces that introverts generally perform better and are more reliable and creative than their extroverted counterparts.  So… can we hear them now?

 Watch Susan Cain's Ted Talk on the Power of Introverts Here

 Together.  We.  Win.

Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

Look for us on: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram,  Facebook, The Muse, Glassdoor and Gannett Careers

Invest in Yourself

As a follow up to my recent blog, “Be Your Most Amazing Self”, I thought I would talk about how to really “invest in yourself” to support being your most amazing self.  This is less about our kids and more about us!

Think about yourself as your own company.  Think “Me Corporation Inc.”.   Investing in yourself may be the most profitable investment you ever make.  We need to place a priority on investing in both our personal and professional growth. Since every corporation has departments, let’s take a look at our personal corporation’s departments – our skills, our creativity, our health, our confidence and our happiness.

Skills.  Are we continuing to enhance our skills?  How are we doing in expanding our universe as it relates to our education, our training, our reading?  It is amazing what we can learn by using Google search, reading quick blogs, staying current on tech or industry news.  I often get an idea for a blog then do a Google search and read 8-10 articles before I ever write anything.  Also, on a weekly basis, I will Google something cool I hear about in the Human Resource arena!  If I find something cool, I then share it with my entire team.  Books, industry magazines, articles etc., also give you the power to learn new things and bust through career slumps. In other words, reading more can take you to places you’ve never been and give you additional ideas you never thought of. 

Creativity.  We need to feed our own creativity – keep our mind fresh.  Maybe we decide to learn a new language, or take up a new cooking angle, or take on photography.  Other ways to keep your mind fresh may involve travel, hiking, music, painting, or designing.

Health.  How is your health – not just your body, but your mind as well?   If you have not picked up on this already I like to read – not books but articles, white papers or research.  I am a fact guy.  You may like something else.  The point is to always read, read and read more.   Also, investigate new cultures.  Open up your mind to understand the “other side”.  Seek to understand.  Challenge your mind – word games, puzzles, Words with Friends, do the math in your head.  Keep challenging your own mind.

And our bodies, yes our bodies.  All two-hundred and ugh ugh pounds of my body.  This is not about our weight, but it is about our activity and our maintenance.  Eat better (I say this because many of us stress about eating healthy – we may never all only eat leaves and nuts, but we can strive to eat better).  BE better at exercise.  Work into it.  It does not have to be all or nothing.  Walk 10 minutes each day then the following month go to 20, then at some point you may even run – just be active.  Find something you love.  I LOVE basketball – always have.  I play 3-5 times per week full court ball with friends.  Some of these games have been with the same bunch of players for the last two decades.  Good fun, exercise and good friends. 

Lastly on health, please do not be afraid of the doctor – think of it as a tune-up.  You need to run at your best.  And I would also add, think about how you present yourself.  It is amazing sometimes how a new haircut, a few new shirts and some cool shoes help our confidence.  And relax – a bubble bath, a nap in a hammock, or maybe even an athletic massage.

Confidence.  One of the most important issues I see with investing in “us” is our confidence.  People who know their value, have something to say and others usually will listen. You can invest in yourself by developing an understanding of the value that you possess and offer others.  Everyone has something to offer.  Everyone.   Learn to have the courage to speak your truth. The more you love yourself and own the value that you offer, the more confident you will become in sharing it with others.  Part of confidence is also being humble - practicing gratitude reduces aggressive tendencies, promotes better sleep, greatly improves physical and psychological health, helps cultivate better relationships, and makes us happier. Keep a daily gratitude journal or spend a few minutes each day listing 5 things that you are truly grateful for.  (Today, I am grateful for three loving boys, a beautiful wife (inside and out), the health of my Dad, a great job and some truly wonderful friendships from college and high school.)

Happiness.  Choose to be happy.  Your happiness is a choice. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, rather than the negative.   Happiness is not what happens but how you choose to respond.  Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances. They look at all the reasons to be grateful. “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”- said that famous guy Abraham Lincoln.  

Your family and friends are valuable and it pays to stay in touch with them and give them your time. It will deepen your relationships with them and show them you care. Invest time and effort in staying in touch with them regularly, whether in person, via telephone, email, Skype, etc. You will be happy that you did in the long run. Make an effort to reach out to at least one person per day.  Guess what, you should always choose your friends wisely - the types of friends you choose to be around has a dramatic effect on our own actions and behaviors. The old adage, “birds of a feather flock together” is especially true when it comes to our friends. If you want to be successful, happy, positive, healthy, more productive, etc., make sure you associate with people who possess those attributes. Conversely, if you currently have friends who do not conform to your goals, politely get rid of them, or, at the very least, greatly reduce the amount of time you spend with them. 

I remind my wife and my boys to get rid of toxic friends.
Having good friends is an important aspect of life. But having friends who are a positive influence is even more important. Be selective when choosing your friends and get rid of the ones who are negative, problem-laden, unmotivated, and who do not care about bettering themselves. To a large extent, you are a product of your environment and this includes the company you keep. Find friends that share your values. Friends matter.

And, as I have stated before, set your goals.  Not the  “I need to paint the house” goals, but the big audacious life goals.  It may be as simple as I  want to go to the Kentucky Derby, I want to see a bullfight in Spain, I want to go to the NYC ballet,  or maybe it entails learning a new language, taking up the drums or learning how to scuba dive.  Challenge yourself and challenge your mind.   What is your bucket list?

Just as it essential for collaboration between departments and divisions within any corporation, so are the above traits for personal growth. By enhancing skills and creativity, a healthy confidence is bound to rise as you will have insight to offer your workplace, your friends and your family. Through healthy choices, happiness can improve. They all tie together.

Remember, an investment in yourself is the greatest one you can make.

Together.  We.  Win.

Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

Look for us on: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram,  Facebook, The Muse, Glassdoor and Gannett Careers