Twitter was down this morning, so please just tell me what you had for breakfast?

“Twitter was down this morning, so please just tell me what you had for breakfast.” Or maybe this, “Checked Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat and Pinterest – ready to start my day.  Oh look, it is lunch time!”   Or this, “I now pronounce you husband and wife  - you may now update your status.”  And the best, “I would like you a lot more if social media did not let me see all the stupid things you post”.

Has social media taken over your life?  Are you addicted to “likes” and “hearts”?  Have you ever really tracked the time spent (wasted) on social media?

When Deloitte surveyed 4,150 British adults in 2017 about their mobile habits, 38% said they thought they were using their smartphone too much. Among 16 to 24-year-olds, that rose to more than half. Habits such as checking apps in the hour before we go to sleep (79% of us do this, according to the study) or within 15 minutes of waking up (55%) may be taking their toll on our mental health.

Let’s map our social media “addiction” throughout the day:

• How long, after waking in the morning, do we check in on social media?
• Do our friends and family use social media as their main way to contact us?
• Do we hate being offline?
• Are we “that person” that checks in everywhere we go?
• How many minutes per day do we spend scrolling through all our social media accounts?
• How many times per day do we check our favorite social media account?
• Do we obsessively monitor our likes?
• Is our entire life documented on social media?  Do we post pictures of every meal (and please help us all understand this – I never sent anyone post cards or photos of my meals pre social media)?
• Do we delete or remove posts if we do not get enough “likes”?  (Do I look good in these jeans – no Dave, you are 50 years old so just wear your Dad jeans and get back to work.)
• Do we use social media while using the restroom?  And if so, why?  Really? (Think about that for a moment and you will never borrow another person’s cell phone again, will you?)
• Does the word “hashtag” play in our everyday discussions?
• Do we enjoy the moment (concert, speech, tour, party) or do we worry about posting such event?
• Are our social media “friends” really our friends? Dave tip: I use LinkedIn for all those “work friends” and try to limit my Facebook, Instagram, etc. for those I truly like {yep, I just said that}.
• How long do we go between checking social media accounts?
• Do we hide our social media use at work?
• Have we tried to reduce the time spent on social media but failed?

Although many of us may have answered yes to a majority of these questions, this does not mean we have a problem.  What I am trying to convey is that, like many things in life, too much of anything is sometimes not a good thing. Social media is a drug. This is a truth we already know. It is powerful (just like that open bowl of Cheetos at a party). We’re feeding our addiction every morning. Check our Facebook to see if someone “liked” our story/photo, open your Instagram to see where your friends are, scroll through Twitter trying to find something to favorite. This is a part of our life, we are in control in opening these apps. No one is telling us to do this.

Quiz time:

From Psychology Today, “the vast majority of people who are online use social media, often for hours a day. For most, there is no problem. For others, it crosses the line into addiction. When does normal connectivity become a problem?  One way to measure is the Bergen Social Media Addiction Scale (originally designed for Facebook but since generalized for all social media). It's a short survey used in psychological research that has been widely accepted by the psychology community. It's quick and something you can take yourself.

Here are six statements to consider. For each, answer: (1) very rarely, (2) rarely, (3) sometimes, (4) often, or (5) very often.

• You spend a lot of time thinking about social media or planning how to use it.
• You feel an urge to use social media more and more.
• You use social media in order to forget about personal problems.
• You have tried to cut down on the use of social media without success.
• You become restless or troubled if you are prohibited from using social media.
• You use social media so much that it has had a negative impact on your job/studies.
• If you scored a 4 or 5 ("often" or "very often") on at least 4 of those statements, it could be an indicator of social media addiction.

An embarrassingly time-consuming social-media habit isn’t entirely your fault. “Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter—they’ve all been designed to make you repeatedly use them and check back in,” says Levi Felix, the CEO of Digital Detox, a tech-free wellness retreat in Northern California.  When you keep in mind that these technologies are designed to hold us hostage, we might be motivated to set time limits. Think of it as buying a snack-size bag of chips instead of the party-size – although I freely admit to liking the party size (see past posts on “winter pants”, “chocolate cake” etc.).

So how do we “cut down” our usage:

• Let’s make some rules around meals, bed and driving.  Seems to be a good place to start, especially the driving rule.
• Download some apps to help us track and/or limit your usage.  Delete other apps from our phone.  Even just set a timer.  Some cool apps that can help include: Forest, StepLock, DinnerMode, Onward, Freedom, In Moment, Space, App Detox, Off the Grid, and AntiSocial.
• Is our phone our alarm clock, if so that is causing you to grab it first thing in the morning.  Maybe an alarm clock (OG style).
• Take some breaks.  All day Wednesday, maybe even a Saturday.  Can we do it?
• Think about our posts, are they about our experience or about other people’s RESPONSES to the post?
• Have we looked at all our alerts?  Last week I went through each app on my phone and turned off about 80% of my alerts (full disclosure my Apple watch was not even making it through the day before running out of battery).  Too.  Many.  Alerts.
• Find a new hobby or take up an old one again.  Maybe with a friend, or our beautiful spouse (full disclosure – I “married up”).
• Schedule more time with family and friends and be “in the moment”.
• Maybe, just maybe, think of social media as a treat. We might not buy a “foo foo” coffee every day, or that amazing gourmet cupcake (that does sound good though) or get our spa appointment every week, but we may reward our self with these kinds of small treats when we feel like we deserve it. Thus, think of social media in the same way. Only allow screen time when we've achieved something or we've done something productive first. This might change the way we think about our social media use.
• Finally, maybe just go “cold turkey”.  My wife was off Facebook for a few months and did not miss it.  I have taken summers off from Facebook.  Life still happened.

Social Media is a part of our life and it is very useful, it also is very distracting.  Finding balance in all things in our life is where we all strive to be.  When you sit for dinner tonight, ask someone how much time do they think you spend on your phone everyday (preferably your kids as they will tell you honestly).  Absorb that and change as you see fit.  We all have the “right” amount that works for us individually.  Finding balance … that lifelong quest.

Together.  We.  Win.

Dave Harmon
People Division
“Kindness is Currency”
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr

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