Dave-ologies: "I don't know everything. Teach me something..."

Good morning,

There has been a lot of political angst, hatred, vitriol, etc. lately causing disruption within our society. At work, at home, in elevators, at restaurants - I hear it everywhere. And then in print.....wow. Disappointing to see how harsh people can be. It is causing friction between friends, co-workers, and neighbors. It makes the Yankees v. Red Sox arguments feel nice. So here are my thoughts….

"Maybe we can release balloons rather than throw darts". This was an idea I read about in an article recently by Nathan Pyle. This article inspired me and as I looked at all the "you should take my side" political posts in my social media feeds - I realized most, if not all, are not moving us forward and the comment stream following the posts are just plain disappointing. Republican, Muslim, Libertarian, Democrat, Christian, Feminist, Optimist, Minimalist, Alarmist or Atheist - this is our country. We need to move forward. Life is way too short for this nonsense. Ask a friend with cancer what is important to them...

So let's spend our efforts asking more questions. Ask the questions we don't know the answers to, questions that will call on the knowledge of "the other side". This sets the tone of the discussion by admitting, "I don't know everything, teach me something." This article resonated with me to write this post.

Asking questions versus taking sides focuses the conversation like an "invisible moderator" (a term I like). It gives the other person a chance to "teach me or even to send me some info so I can better understand their point of view". It gives us license to admit “we don’t understand” on some of the more detailed points. Our focus should shift to "why do they think this way" or "what is the real issue?" They may, as Nathan emphasized, cite opposing facts (or "alternative facts" - as I guess that is a new version - sorry, but that was funny) on the success of an issue.

The more questions we ask, the more we focus in on the “issues” upon which we disagree, the more we understand – the more we keep the darts aimed at the “issues” (and not on the person). Do not lose friendships, cause marital strife, or working relationships over this. We are going to have different conclusions – and we need to be comfortable with that difference. We need to share our opinions and views but not force our opinions and views. It's unlikely we will ever change many political views – but we may get to a place of having a more pointed discussion on the "issues. We might even never agree and that is OK. But maybe you will be open to ISSUE views. Life is not always and never. It is not "all or nothing". It is a game of change and adjust.

If we approach this as "learning rather than the teaching (aiming to instruct)", we can both embrace difference somewhere in the middle. Learning and seeking to understand should be our goal.

I know at least initially; this probably doesn't feel as good as “winning” the argument. But we all can be better at seeking to understand. Less friction, better relationships with your friends, family, and co-workers with whom you disagree. These are your friends, family, and co-workers. This is our country everybody. Be united in change for good regardless of your political views. Focus on the issues. #weareinthistogether

My nickel's worth.

Dave Harmon

People Division

“Kindness is Currency”

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/davidharmonhr